On Being Grateful: Enough IS Enough

Everlasting Smile or Temporary Celebration?

In the words of a hero & my father, “Enough is Enough.” Well, for those that know my Dad – he’s using it more in the comical context of “alright folks – that does it for me, I’m off to bed”. You know, after a solid day, couple red wines and good ole’ family conversation (I’m still waiting to put that on a t-shirt with his picture, by the way – any takers?).

We’ve all experienced enough of something at some point – whether it’s a long day, a bad job, tired of a location, or some bad habit. As I write, I’ve definitely had enough coffee – so I’m going to stop that immediately. I’ve also had enough of the cold rainy winters in CT – don’t have much control here though (seriously…I’m not even sure I know what snow looks like anymore).

But if you take a chance to look at the world and your life, what you have IS probably enough for a smile. And what really feels better – everlasting happiness or temporary celebration.

The Moment I Realized Enough IS Enough

Two years back I had enough of something in a big way. I was tired of the fact that my life was filled with great “stuff” – a ridiculously beautiful wife, unreal wedding, luxury vacations, great job, solid money, amazing friends / family, a nice apartment – but a constant feeling of being unfulfilled and wanting more – of everything. Can anybody relate?

Considering all the things you learn from parents & teachers (I’m grateful to be married to one!) – I knew that this mindset wasn’t right – and definitely not sustainable. So I listened to big Tom Kowalski, said “Enough is Enough” and made some changes… Fast forward to today, I’m happy to say that I finally feel balanced, in control, enjoying every passing moment, and grateful for everything in my life. Ironically, the material “stuff” remains unchanged. I finally FELT all the “gratitude” stuff that we talk about at Thanksgiving Dinner. But it’s more than that. It’s un unexplainable inner peace that makes all the “stuff” simply a bonus.

Essentially, I realized Enough IS Enough.

The Anatomy (and insignificance) of Wanting More

Let’s not kid ourselves. We’ve all been here before. Who’s had one of these thoughts?

God I need another job.
When will I get promoted?!
I need to make more money ASAP.
This house/apartment is not big enough.
I wonder how much that person makes?
I wish I had the car he / she has.

In my opinion, the problem is that people get stuck on these things as needs. Sure it’d be great to find a job that’s a better fit, have a bit more cash, get the nice house on the water or upgrade to a Range Rover (definitely on my list down the road). Contrary to what you might think (besides the initial excitement) none of these things are going to change our course of true inner peace & happiness (and for those that haven’t seen the studies, it turns out $70,000-$95,000 is the ‘happiness range’ and making over $100,000 doesn’t show an increase in happiness).

The Road vs. the Destination

What boggled my mind was how much time was actually spent NOT enjoying the material things. Count it! I mean waking up, watching TV, walking my dog, riding the train, sitting in meetings, playing golf, eating meals – just existing. I was never really present during these things. They were just happening and I was completely neutral, or worse.

I wanted to ENJOY these things. My guess is > 99.9% of life is spent between the celebrations of material things. The way I see it, what’s the point of taking 99.9% of life for granted and just letting it pass by? Listen, it may sound crazy, but with one life here – I wanted to love, enjoy & appreciate all of this. And I wanted to do it for myself – not for my image or how people thought of me. As I wrote in in “Things to Learn from a Dog” – life is too short for that nonsense!

The Answer lies Beyond Gratitude

No doubt I had to appreciate what I had WAY more. However, I realized that this went beyond gratitude. In order to be present, mindful & truly enjoy the taste of grapes, a walk in the park, the ride to work, talking to customers or a glass of water – I needed a combination of mindset & action. I wanted to find happiness, contentment, and balance with life and myself – at all times – regardless of external positive or negative pressures.

I still have a long way to go, but here’s how I went from about a 5/10 to a 9/10 in terms of inner peace & happiness over a couple of years and the ability to enjoy the trip vs. the destination. Life-changing stuff.

Patience

Without it, one will just crumble. A change of this magnitude is not going to happen overnight and probably not for at least a year. Once you accept this as fact – it will make the whole process that much easier and the path more enjoyable. In my opinion, patience is a state that must be desired & realized, it doesn’t just pop in out of thin air.

Gratitude

At the end of the day, you’ve GOT to find a way to be grateful for at least the big material things in life, let alone the small things. Just “trying to be grateful” didn’t work for me. Some things that did work: 1) Vanessa and I did a daily email exchange with 3 ‘great things’ that happened during the day; 2) jotting down a couple things in a notebook at the end of the day; 3) consciously making a point to think of something specific that happened; 4) saying a prayer. Do something – use your imagination. I personally like writing things – its more “final”.

Action(s)

Ahh, my favorite part. The endless pile of things you can do to create a better you (and more importantly, relationship with yourself). Where do I start? Here’s a few things in my bag of tricks that might come in handy. Perhaps you’ve heard them before.

Meditation and Mindfulness – I owe everything to practicing meditation and mindfulness (see post). Finally after reading multiple “start meditating” chapters in several personal development books and a suggestion from a colleague, I figured I should take a look! At first I thought it was weird, awkward and hard to make the time. That said, if you have 2 minutes a day, a tight budget, an iPhone and a desire for happiness (anybody a fit?…)- get Calm or Headspace for free & try it.
(REAL) Goal-Setting / Hitting – Not the kind your manager asks you to do for the annual review. When’s the last time you wrote just ONE thing you wanted to do this month & actually did it? Try it – and if you actually write it somewhere, you’ll find it easier to complete… If it’s the end of the year – follow my 2 part New Year planning guide.
(REAL) Planning – As part of the above (whether a daily, weekly, monthly or annual goal), take a moment to write down the 3 things you need to do to get it done. Again, do you have 5 minutes handy to finally start the side gig you’ve been thinking about but never tried? Boom – there you have it. Pick up some paper & ink.
Eat that Frog! – Thanks to a good friend’s suggestion when we discussed productivity, I read Eat that Frog by Brian Tracy. Easy read, 100 pages. Super useful. What should you do first today? The single most important, chunkiest, ugliest thing on the agenda. Don’t let anything get in the way… You’ll feel amazing.
“Brain Dump” – I coined this term (or at least I think I did..). When you’re feeling overly anxious or frustrated but have so many things swirling around your mind you don’t know where to start or what the real problem is. Simple: Just write everything down on a piece of paper – no stopping or thinking along the way. Kind of like “brainstorming” but with a different purpose! Money back guarantee that you’ll feel better instantly with this one – even if you don’t do anything else after.
(REAL) “To Do” lists – Another trick from Brian Tracy’s book above, rather than just write down what you have to do & cross them off: prioritize better by categorizing with his ABCDE method: A (must do today), B (should do, but low consequences if not), C (nice to do if time permits), D (delegate) or E (kill entirely). I think prioritizing is harder and more important than ever in today’s digital, connected and constantly moving world.
Complete your day – Before you fold up the notebook / computer for the day, take 5 minutes to write out your best guess for tomorrow’s ABCDE list while things are fresh on your mind (and a bonus if you hand-write your schedule). Then you’ll be able to go home & watch Schitt’s Creek with your family & dog at home in peace & happiness. (Starting to see a theme here with writing things down!?)
Disconnect at Night – Fine you might not be able to disconnect the whole night. But try to take at least a couple hours without the phone / iPad and just enjoy the time with your family / friends after work. Relax, listen when they talk and be present in the moments.
Things You Already Know – Read more, Get > 8 hrs of sleep, Exercise more, Eat Healthier… Come on – you can control all this, and it’s crucial.

There you have it – you’ve got Inner Peace and happiness. In my opinion, Patience, Gratitude and Actions are an exponentially powerful combination to not only help you find satisfaction with what “is” but to enjoy the road to what you “can be”. Thankfully, I’ve finally realized that Enough IS Enough. I’m not quite ready to throw that on a t-shirt with my face (let’s be real – nobody wants to look at that…), but the way I see it too much of life is NOT lived or enjoyed. Do you agree?

Hygge: A ritual where one can find enjoyment & comfort in life’s simple pleasures