Pings, Pop-ups & Procrastination – How to Throw a Phone Across The Room

How I Got a Second Date with Vanessa

How the hell I landed my wife in 2015, I have no idea. I know it certainly wasn’t first impressions, looks or my dancing ability. I obviously talked myself into something that night, but I think what really sealed the deal for me was my phone call – not text – after we met. I called to say I had fun & asked if she wanted to hang out again. Approval granted & the rest was history.

In this case, I used a phone as it was originally designed – Zack Morris approved – taking a break from my “millennialism” for a moment. Phones, iPads, computers – at this point, it’s impossible to live without them, but very tough to live with them. The’ve literally got a mind of their own. In some respects, they’re more about addiction than means of contact.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all “Social Dilemma” on you here and I’m not a Tristahhhhn Harris groupie (for the record I actually drafted this before it came out 😊). That said, I do hate what phones, tablets & computers (what I’ll just call “tech”) have become. A never ending swivel chair of pings, pop-ups & procrastination.

A thought on on the delicate balancing act of life with & without these revolutionary technologies / massive distractors.

Killed By The Bell

Zack Morris was way ahead of his time… cell phone the size of a fire extinguisher. The benefit to him, he was able to actually focus on girls in real life vs. dating apps. He didn’t have to deal with the gazillions of things that tech throw at us throughout a day that make us forget to look around and smell the roses.

Here’s my top 10 biggest “tech” frustrations. I’m sure you can relate 😊.

Complete & Utter Disruption – “Ping! Click! Boo-uhp! Buzzz!” The iPhone bell sound is the worst. It literally gives me the willies every time I hear it. (Why haven’t I changed that sound yet?) Between the bells & whistles and endless pop-ups, it’s nearly impossible to stay focused on anything long enough to see real progress.
“Presence” is (Completely) Out the window – If mindfulness & presence wasn’t already a problem, it’s 10x worse now. Constant disruption does a great job of keeping you just out of the moment, thinking about something in the past, future, or worse – comparing yourself to 1,000 others on Instagram.
Procrastinating Life Away – Why finish the single most important thing you have to do today when you can wake up to start scrolling through emails, read Facebook, or the endless news scroll? I literally feel like there’s less time in the day than there was 10 years ago.
Pay Attention! – ADD / ADHD is on the rise. Why? Are we solving the “swivel-chair” problem or making it worse?
A Life of Forgetfulness – Have you ever picked up your phone to do something, followed a notification and completely forgot what you set out to do? Welcome to my life 3 times a day. Even better, grabbing a phone just to grab a phone out of habit. You ever see the NoPhone? Was on Shark Tank – hilarious but great idea.
(Lack of) Gratitude – The glass is always half empty. “Read” receipts on iMessages with no response, not enough “Likes” / comments, negative comments, or somebody stealing more attention than you. We’ll never be content with ourselves when we rely on extrinsic happiness drivers from the digital world.
Addiction – iMessages, Twitter, TIK TOK! Google News is my weak spot. The list goes on & on. These are pure addictions. Never-ending rabbit hole. Scroll of death.
Suffering Relationships – Maybe a stretch, but is it? Sometimes I feel families & life-long relationships are getting pulled apart over this stuff. Families don’t talk at dinner and friendships end over social posts. Not to mention miscommunication / texts caught out of context.
Restricting Who We Can Become – I believe the little stuff / disruptions add up when not kept under control – and it impacts our long term future. It’s not about stopping all together, but finding some balance so you can beat anxiety, get stuff done, spend time productively, etc.
The Bad Stuff – Lack of confidence, anxiety, depression and even suicide. I know a lot of people disagree with the stats in Social Dilemma – but there were some scary numbers on suicide there. And it’s not just kids – depression is also worsening in adults – I had an episode myself a few years back.

Balancing Act

If not kept under control, I think the scariest long-term impact will be that experienced by today’s youth (Gen Z) or worse, Generation Alpha (<4 years old). Kids are literally growing up on iPads & iPhones, and are undoubtedly 100x more savvy than I am. And in my opinion, savvy = scary down the road. Wonder if schools are starting to consider any education on digital balance?

Anyway, here are 10 ways to work the balancing act & nip an aggressive reliance on digital devices.

Throw your Phone Across the Room! – My all time favorite fix. Literally throw it out of arms reach. For a bonus, turn it off or mute it. A more proactive option is to hide it or put it in the other room. 20 years ago we didn’t even have an option. Further, I learned the concept of “Going Dark” from an old boss. When I need to get stuff done, I leave the phone elsewhere, inform family / colleagues and get busy.
Take a MENTAL Picture – Rather than whip out your phone every 10 seconds to document every step on vacation – or sitting around the living room with your 2 year old – try sitting back for 10 seconds. And really LOOK around with a deep breath. You won’t forget that moment, I promise.
Delete “the App” – Pick the dirtiest, hairiest, most amazing app that sucks your life away & CUT IT. Cold Turkey. I gave up Facebook entirely 6 years ago & cut Instagram for Lent 2 years ago and have no urge to return (fine, I go on Instagram once a month or so and stay tuned for my OTBM Instagram page coming soon 😊).
Walk or Run with No Phone – This may be tough for you, but try it. Smell the flowers & nature. Talk to your dog or your partner. Take in the views. I love running with music, but I equally love running without it. Depends on the mood. You feel a bit more “grounded” without it.
Play the Restaurant Game! – One of my favorites here, thanks to my wife’s cousin Mike. Put your phone in the middle of the table, and the first one that touches it pays the bill (or if you’re with your partner, maybe a massage).
Set REAL Boundaries – Don’t look at the phone when you get into bed. More importantly, don’t look when you wake up! No better way to get on somebody else’s calendar, kill your agenda, or start a day in a bad mood than checking email.
Use a Notebook (or a reMarkable 2) – I’m a huge fan of using paper & ink for notes, writing letters / cards or just writing what’s on my mind – what I call a “brain dump”. It’s more productive, effective & clears the pipes better than typing anything in any device for me. I highly suggest the reMarkable 2 paper tablet. Best Christmas gift ever.
Wait! Make a List First – Before you go to pick up the device, re-write a quick list of the 3-5 things you were about to do – and do them before opening phone/computer. This works like a charm for me – though I’d argue I’ve got ADHD as bad as anybody out there.
Use the Right Tool for the Job – For me, I hate writing emails on my computer unless I absolutely have to. I’m much more efficient on mobile not getting side-tracked from 2 screens or Slack notifications. And I write better, more concise emails. And let’s be real, nobody wants to hear me on the email soapbox.
Do Some Work or Thinking Outside – For those of us living in the Northeast, easier said than done right now. But there is something about sitting outside that makes me want to connect less with tech & more with nature / myself. These days, it’s easy to forget there is an outside with all the time we spend indoors.

Use a Raven Going Forward

I just finished Steve Jobs biography. While I can appreciate everything he did for the world (you can’t argue this) – it’s come with some unpredicted challenges.

One thing is 100% clear, we’re not getting rid of any of this technology going forward – and it’s only going to grow, get more connected, & more immediate. That said, we need to get this under control. It’s up to each of us to take this into our own hands, set some boundaries, and learn to live with this tech in a better way.

And while you’re at it, do like Jon Snow did – use a raven to send a message once in a while.